Art, Loss, Longing, Etc.

Posted: June 24, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

I recognize the folded piece of thick sketchbook paper, know what I’ll find inside before I even open it. Hazel eyes, black hair… it’s the colored pencil drawing I made when I was in Virginia without him, without even a photograph and desperate to see his face. Suddenly, the rhythm I’ve established in cleaning my office breaks. I count those three weeks as a few of the most difficult I’ve had, and yet… in a way, I’m there again, though also not at all. I personally am better; I’ve grown; I’ve dealt with some stuff. And things are a little better now, in most ways, though losing him is the key way they feel worse. A side effect of the sadness and loneliness that form the wake of a failed relationship is that the impulse to create comes back in force. I’m playing guitar more and writing more poetry and blogging more. Much of this is born of the internal torque when what seems possible clashes with what I wish were, when what I desire to say clashes with what seems possible. A lot will be left unsaid; that’s just the nature of things when they’re over.

I also have the urge to paint again.

There have been a few small occurrences that have had me thinking about it in brief snatches over the past month or so that don’t necessarily merit their own mention. Then I found the drawing. Then, yesterday evening, my college roommates and I got together to celebrate one friend’s birthday, and after dinner, we walked over to a nearby coffee shop to see her fiancé’s paintings on display. I walked out thinking again about painting and how I miss it, how I’d need to buy a lot of supplies to get going again. Later last night, I finally watched My Left Foot, which I’ve been wanting to see for a while, and I came away from it with a lot of thoughts and feelings (ALL THE FEELS), including:
(1) holy cow, Daniel. Day-. Lewis.
(2) I really miss painting. Now that my master’s is done, I’d like to do something about that.

  1. gfizz says:

    Congrats on being done with your Masters, btw.

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