Excelsior

Posted: May 23, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

“Who has gone farthest? for I would go farther….” – Walt Whitman

Whoever would compel you to go one mile, go with him two. – Matthew 5:41

So maybe I have something to prove. A little over a month ago, when I was visiting my family for a weekend as a way to start dealing with my heartbreak, I signed up for a half marathon that takes place each fall in my city. It’s been my goal to run this thing for about four years, since I took up running as more than just drudgery. I got the idea in part because I was the kid with asthma who dreaded the times I had to run a mile for gym class or sports; thus, this goal has stood as an expression of having really overcome that weakness. The first year, I ran into some difficulties with training that made me adjust my approach and push the goal back while I built a more solid foundation. I think I’ve done that with the 4-mile races and the duathlon, yet my cautious side suggested I should instead do the 10K race (at the same event) this year, then next year think about more than doubling that distance; but, I think, the emotions I was experiencing pushed me to stop waiting and just go for it. After all, that’s how I ended up completing the duathlon — I signed up, and then I did what was necessary to do my best in it. To that end, tonight I listened to motivating music while entering my training plan into iCal. I enjoy that part of the process and feel more ready to tackle it all now.

So, what could I have to prove? For myself, working to complete this race is not only about physical endurance but mental and emotional strength, about not letting heartbreak defeat me but instead using it to catapult me toward something positive… or, as Pat put it in Silver Linings Playbook, “Excelsior.” I guess I want to make a statement about myself through all this… ultimately, to respond to a difficult situation with grace and strength (that’s where the epigraphs tie in).

And there’s maybe a little hope that I can find a silver lining of some sort. That sounds really good to me tonight, since it’s technically the 23rd now, which would have been our six-year anniversary.

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