Pain and Courage

Posted: April 13, 2014 in Uncategorized

Lately, I’ve been relating a lot to Max Payne in a particular way — we are both so resilient that it seems even when we get knocked down and want to stay down, we can’t. Something makes our muscles fire so that we stand; it pulls one foot in front of the other so that we stumble and stagger forward. Recently, I have realized I can find courage in this. Knowing that I will get back up and keep going, even despite myself, helps me push aside the fear that might otherwise paralyze me, as it has done in the past. And in a way, the key to this kind of bravery — the hinge that opens it — is the pain.

I’ve been thinking lately about how Max’s pain — as, of course, his name hints — is the source of his superpower. Sure, he’s very skilled, and that certainly has a whole lot to do with it, but it’s the abandon that elevates him to what he is: someone who is impossible to bring down completely. (Heh, you can see how this might be relatable and encouraging to someone going through something painful, no?)

Tonight, I finally told my parents about doubts I have — that was difficult, as I really hate to worry them about anything, let alone the state of my soul. But there’s relief in the honesty, and the pain of the past few days made my anxieties about having the conversation seem small. They took it as well as I think they possibly could have. It’s still not easy, but when it comes to the things I’ve been struggling with, I know the only way out is through. I’ve spent enough time looking for a way to go around. It’s time to plunge in — like Max, with abandon — and hope. I do have hope, that all this is for the best. That it will all work out. In the meantime, I’m dealing with my pain the best way I know how… I’m letting it push me to grow.

  1. Sandy Junk says:

    I love the phrase the only way out is through…it’s so true. It’s never easy…nothing worth it ever is.

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